Adding someone on Discord means they can message you and see when you're online
To add a connection on Discord, you search for their username in the app, send them a friend request, and they accept it. Once they do, you can direct message each other, and they'll see your online status and what game or activity you're doing. The person you add can also see your profile picture, your username, and any custom status you've set.
Discord calls these connections "friends," but the word works differently than on other platforms. A Discord friend isn't someone who follows you — it's someone you've mutually agreed to connect with. They can't message you until you've both accepted the request, and either of you can remove the connection at any time without notifying the other person.
Key Takeaways
- You add someone by searching their username or accepting their friend request, and they'll when ready see your online status and profile details once you're connected.
- Discord shows your friends when you're active, what game you're playing, and your custom status — information you can't hide from them without removing the connection.
- Your friends can see your profile picture, username, and any mutual servers you belong to, but they cannot see your email address or phone number unless you share it directly.
- You can block someone to prevent them from messaging you or seeing your online status, which is different from straightforward removing them as a friend.
- Discord stores your friend list and the messages you send to friends on their servers, and this data persists even if you delete messages from your own view.
How to find and add someone on Discord
Open Discord and look for the Friends icon on the left sidebar — it looks like two people. Click "Add Friend" and type the person's username exactly as it appears. Discord usernames are case-sensitive and often include a number after the name (like username#1234). If you don't know their exact username, ask them directly or look for them in a server you both belong to.
Once you type the username and send the request, Discord sends them a notification. They'll see your username and profile picture in their friend requests. If they accept, you're now connected. If they decline or ignore it, the request stays pending until one of you cancels it. You can cancel a pending request at any time by clicking the X next to their name.
What information your friends can see about you
Once someone is your friend, they can see your profile picture, your username, your current online status (online, idle, do not disturb, or offline), and what you're doing — whether that's playing a game, listening to music, or streaming. They can also see any custom status you've written, like "in class" or "away for the weekend." This information is visible to them whether you're in a shared server or not.
Your friends cannot see your email address, phone number, or payment information. They also cannot see your direct messages with other people, your server roles, or servers you belong to that they're not in. However, if you both join the same server, they can see what channels you have access to and what you post in those channels.
The difference between removing a friend and blocking someone
Removing a friend means you're no longer connected — you can still see each other in shared servers and message each other if you're in the same server, but they won't see your online status anymore. The person you removed doesn't get a notification that you've removed them. You can add them back later if you change your mind.
Blocking is stronger. When you block someone, they can't message you, see your online status, or add you as a friend again. They also can't see your profile if they search for you. If you're in a shared server, they can still see your messages in channels, but they can't direct message you. Blocking someone does not remove them from shared servers — you both stay in those servers, but they can't contact you privately.
How Discord stores your friend list and messages
Discord keeps a record of everyone you're friends with on their servers. This data stays there even if you delete your account — Discord retains account information for a period of time after deletion. Your friend list is also visible to Discord's staff and, in some cases, to law enforcement if they request it with a warrant.
Messages you send to friends are stored on Discord's servers, not just on your device. When you delete a message from your view, Discord still has a copy. The person you messaged can still see it unless they also delete it from their view. If Discord receives a legal request for your messages, they can provide them even if you've deleted them locally.
Privacy settings that affect what friends see
Go to User Settings (the gear icon next to your username) and select "Privacy & Safety." Here you can control who can send you friend requests — you can allow requests from everyone, from friends of friends, or from no one. You can also turn off "Allow direct messages from server members" so only your friends can message you directly.
There is no setting to hide your online status from specific friends. If someone is your friend, they see when you're online. The only way to prevent this is to remove them as a friend or block them. You also cannot hide what game you're playing from friends — if you want privacy about your activity, you need to change your status to "Do Not Disturb," which shows you as offline to everyone.
What happens when you share personal information with a friend
If you send a friend your phone number, email, or real name through Discord messages, that information is now stored on Discord's servers. Discord can see it, and if you report the conversation or if Discord investigates your account, they can access it. The person you sent it to can also screenshot it or share it with others.
Discord does not encrypt direct messages by default, which means Discord employees can read them if they access your account. If you're concerned about privacy, avoid sending sensitive information through Discord. Use a separate encrypted messaging app if you need to share passwords, financial details, or other confidential information.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can someone add me as a friend without my permission?
No. They can send you a friend request, but you won't be connected until you accept it. You can decline the request, and they won't be able to message you. If someone keeps sending requests after you decline, you can block them.
Do my friends know when I remove them?
No, Discord doesn't notify them. They'll only notice if they try to message you and see that you're no longer friends, or if they check your profile and the friend status is gone.
Can I hide my online status from one friend but not others?
No. Online status is all-or-nothing for friends — if someone is your friend, they see when you're online. You can set your status to "Invisible" to appear offline to everyone, but this hides your status from all friends at once.
What if I want to message someone without being friends?
If you're both in the same server, you can message them there in public channels. You cannot send them a direct message unless you're friends or they've allowed direct messages from server members in their privacy settings.
Does Discord sell my friend list to advertisers?
Discord's privacy policy states they don't sell personal data to third parties for marketing. However, they do use data to show you targeted ads within Discord. Your friend list itself is not shared, but your activity and interests are used to determine what ads you see.